Top 10 Reasons Why You Should Shop for a Bathing Suit With Your 10 Year-Old Daughter

10. She'll steer you away from suits that are "way too young" for you.

9. She'll keep you from trying on/going near any suits that could possibly embarrass HER if she's seen with you.

8. She knows whether tank-ini's are in or out this season.

7. You can be the first to explain to her WHY they put that sticky thing in the crotch of the suit, and WHY you don't dare remove it.

6. You'll also be the first to explain to her why/when/how there comes a time when serious padding and underwires are not optional.

5. She'll laugh hysterically at you when you can't get the size 10 bathing suit past your knees.

4. You'll both almost pee in your pants when you explain to her that you thought it said size 10...it was really a size 01!

3. She'll tell you honestly which parts of your body to cover up and which are still appropriate for public viewing.

2. She'll tell you with a straight face that you should "seriously get that suit" because it matches the color of your varicose veins.

And the number one reason why you should shop for a bathing suit with your 10 year old daughter...

1. On the way home from the mall, you can both sing "Don't Stop Believin'... " as loud as you can, just like you used to do with your college friends.

Self-Parenting

Last night my son decided he didn't want to be an artist anymore. I've been encouraging him to take an art class for several years, but he resisted, choosing to work on his art in private, in a bubble, without anyone telling him how to draw and without having to compare his work to others. But a month ago, he decided he was ready. Ready to learn, ready to get out there and explore his creativity with others.

Something happens when you leave your bubble. Leaving your bubble and venturing out of the safety of your basement, or office, or kitchen table means setting yourself up for facing the truth of who you are as an artist (and deep down as a person). In the company of others, we as human beings are programmed to compare ourselves to someone who is better than us. That's just how we roll. But when you're eleven, and have your first epiphany that there are people out there better than you and they're like, NINE? That can be a tough nugget to swallow.

So when my son said he wanted to quit because there were kids that were better than him in his art class, I asked him a question. I said, "What if Mom came to you and said, 'There's this writer I know. She can write a better novel than me. I think I'm going to quit.' What would you tell me? Would you say, "You're right Mom. You should just hang it up and quit writing."

"No!" He sat up straight. "No way. Why would you say that?" He looked at me like I was an alien or something.

I looked back at him. "Well, if I shouldn't quit, why should you?"

He nodded. Then he said. "I got it. Are we done now?"

I said, "No. So are you going to quit or not?"

"Not." He said.

"Good." I said. "But I've got a few more things to say."

He groans. "Do we have to keep talking?"

"Yep." I said.

So I went on to give him the 'life of an artist' pep talk. And as I was pumping him up, I realized I was pumping myself up too. I stopped mid sentence when I was explaining how there was always going to be someone better than you, always someone who you wish you could be like, but these people are gifts to you. They are your carrot. They are put in front of you by a higher power that's saying to you, "Look. Look at them. This is what I want you to become."

As I query agents and keep pushing forward with two other manuscripts (one YA and one MG) there are days when I wonder if I'll be as good as I want to be, if I'm gonna be as good as Pat Conroy, or Sherman Alexie, or Sara Zarr, or Jandy Nelson (who I just discovered, thanks to agent Elana Roth)...I could go on and on, but you get the idea.

But last night, as I convinced my son that he could do whatever he put his mind to, I convinced myself that of course, I could be as good as I wanted to be. Funny how this parenting thing works: In parenting your kids, it's possible to accidentally parent yourself.

Hmphf.

To Believe

The world of the supernatural fascinates me and I love to pursue it in my stories. In pursuing this passion, last week I went with a good friend to see a psychic. I felt compelled to consult with a psychic for a while, especially one that is a medium, so I could try to feel what Carmella feels when she speaks with Francesca. And since my next book involves my main character falling in love with a ghost, I wanted to explore the possible physical and mental effects one could go through when encountering a spirit. (I also have an obvious interest in communicating with spirits, so what the heck.)

After my reading, I came home with four pages of notes on what my deceased relatives had to say to me. Of course, I had to tell my husband all about it. "So and so said hi. My aunt was talking really loudly, she was really excited to talk to me. My sister is really happy. My uncle told me to say hi to my aunt for him."

My husband's response was, "Ha!" (Well really ha, ha, ha....you get the idea) He is what you call a non-believer.

So I started thinking about this believer, non-believer thing. Lots of people don't believe in anything psychic. No astrology, no tarot cards, no palm readings, nothing. I, however, am a firm believer. I believe in God and I also believe that some people are gifted and can make predictions, or communicate with spirits. Now, don't get me wrong. I also believe that there are lots of fakes out there. (Maybe more phonies than real?)

But my point is, as human beings, no matter what we believe in, I think we have to believe in something. We have to believe in ourselves, in each other, in God, in Buddha, in things beyond the scope of logic. If we didn't believe in things beyond the scope of logic, how would huge technological/scientific/medical advances take place?

Talking logic now, I thought, what if I could find some logic to prove psychic abilities? What if we could gather logical explanations that prove psychic abilities are real? And in searching for just a little logic, a little science behind the psychic phenomenon, I had to send an e-mail to Jonah Lehrer. He hasn't studied this aspect of the brain and I thought who better to delve into this than Mr. Lehrer?

I'm still waiting to hear from him.

I'll keep waiting, and hoping that Mr. Lehrer assists me attempting to explain the unexplainable, but after all is said and done, it won't matter to me as a writer, as a believer of sorts. I will always believe that there are gifted people who can make predictions and talk to spirits. (Two past Presidents consulted with psychics). I will always believe in things illogical because that's who I am and I don't see how I could be a writer without being this way.

Yesterday, I read an interview with Anne Lamott in Writers Digest magazine. As usual, she made a profound comment about the life of a writer.

She said, "I really believe people are called to a literary life like others are called to a theological life or a religious life, but publishing is a business that is really hard. Hard on your heart. Hard on your soul. Hard on your everything."

So to be a writer and to put up with a hard life, does it all come down to belief? Do writers do it every day, day in and day out, because deep down, they believe? A belief so strong they believe in themselves even when no one else does?

I'm going with a yes. But that's no surprise.